A little bit of a heavier blog than normal..

Akemo and her daughter, Eden.

 Where do you go when your escape from reality becomes someplace unsafe and unstable? I usually retreat to my child avatar because through her I can deny that responsibility that comes to me as an adult. Because even if she were to flee from bath time, dump a bunch of bubbles in the sink and then squeal like a heathen child while her mother and uncle chase her down there will be that patient, loving, tolerated understanding. Her life, as hard as it get's sometimes isn't compared to the things I've been through in my own. I've manged to in a way block out the majority of memories from my childhood because the few I do have are bittersweet or painful. I can't go into detail as much as I want because there are people involved whose stories mingle with my own and it's neither my place nor my right to share these things.

However, I can share some details. My father's side of the family dominated most of our lives, because like most people in sitcoms, both sides of the family couldn't stand each other. Not in a amusing sort of chuckle way, but in the way that ruins lives and causes resentment no matter what you try to work out. Still, as a child, I would like to say that I'm relatively sure they did their best to keep us from it. My memories of those young years are filled with the things that causes a child delight, food, presents, loads of people around talking, playing chase in a yard that was a child's jungle, tripping over people who loved you because you were that innocence. I remember my Papa's ham, his hugs, the way he slipped money to us after Mom told us not to take it. I remember my Grandmother's ever patient love and care and that light that seemed to follow her no matter what. Though these are the only good things I can particularly place. I remember getting sick, some, but I remember my parent's arguing. I remember my own mother working a lot, and I remember a very angry older sister who loved me but didn't like having a shadow who worshiped the ground she walked on.

Yeah, we got into a lot of trouble as kids.

I remember my parent's getting a divorce because I'd been told in school the things I should look out for, that weren't right. Those safety talks? It's worth having with your own kids. As much as you get sick of saying it or think it's overheard, sometimes it just takes the right voice saying it to make a difference. I remember the bitter divorce, my father's parents trying to get me at school which I didn't know at the time and having police detectives question me after pulling me out of school. I remember the terror I felt, the guilt, and that sinking feeling that all I wanted was to go back into that happy bubble where nothing bad really happened out of the movies. I was six.

Artemus (me) and her Amazing Family <3

My daughter's seven, and as much as someday lawdy knows I want to shake the shit out of her, I am also grateful for as intelligent as she is, and all the stuff we've been through in our life since her conception I'm almost uniquely gratified that she's still a child, that I've been able to shield her from most of it. My life changed that day, and every day after it. I didn't understand anything, but I knew how I felt. I still do, in some ways, even after years of therapy and the knowledge that it was out of my hands and I saved more than one life that day. It's not this grand parade of being a 'hero', because my actions I think would have happened regardless, but I wouldn't change it even now. I remember crying, a lot, with my mother and sister. I remember the struggle. I remember listening to my mother when she thought I couldn't hear terrified about not only keeping a roof over our heads but food in our stomachs. Working late nights at a convenient store that got robbed frequently because it was one of the few places that she could pick up another shift. She worked as a police dispatcher for most of my life but it wasn't always that easy.

It was hard, and I had to grow up fast. Without the technology we have now babysitters were word of mouth, and by rule of thumb most of the ones in affordable level standards weren't great ones. This is not a pity story, because I've learned some pretty irreplaceable lessons in this lifetime and I'd like to think a lot of my good qualities that people seemed to enjoy have come from these really dark places where I was not nearly as protected as my other family had thought because I just internalized it. So sometimes, when my life gets a little too much to bear my therapy is being able to escape into this little blonde hair blue eyed pixel doll, and for awhile she almost becomes me. No, it's not regression, it's not twisted. I, the adult, am always there behind that pixel. The innocent laughter, the sheer simplicity of these actions begin to knit the wounds that therapy has not. The sweet nights of tucking in, of feeling that warmth through the action even in life heals over the injury that is no fault of anyone other than circumstance.

Still, there are so many harsh and hard words for people who play kids out there. There will always be bad apples amongst the tree, that's true of anything, anywhere you go. Though beneath there are the late blossoms that bloom bright and produce the sweetest fruit. Though if they were bashed, knocked to the ground they would bruise, they'd become malformed, yet no less sweet, though perhaps a bit more bitter. These are things to remember sometimes, when your dealing with a child avatar. Even if you don't understand it, or don't want to, there's a person there. We're all here for a good reason, we're all looking for something we're missing. Health reasons we can't socialize, but on second life we can be popular club owners selling land and running our own staff. Why is the idea of a family such an oddity then? Of having that ability to regress into a child (albeit with a few more freedoms) for some time and enjoy SL without all of the other pressures that generally come with being an adult and that responsibility. Life is hard enough sometimes, and it's nice to have that weight removed even in an artificial world.

Even grownups never told old to snuggle mama.

Though I go back into by definition, what is real? Who's to say on some level that Second-life, who we become there, is not another manifestation of ourselves, only we've got the window into touching that other plane and have that ability to 'play god'. In all of my travels, role play sims, and experiences in SecondLife the most fulfilling, the most compelling reason to keep me logging in has been family. It started out small but has built over the years and in both my adult and my child avi's lives there have been those who hurt us, who have left, but in some ways, and in many ways my heart still goes with them too. For all the bitter souls in pain who feel they've got to hurt others to find that hallow pleasure because in the end it is only that, will continue to feel that sting of loneliness that still haunts them.

Family sometimes has to leave too, but that's okay, we remember all those who've had to go. Ohana. For such a silly little line in a Disney movie how many find it true?

The Eberhart - Enderfield Family.

As much as we can argue, fight, makeup, and for all those who've come and gone, we ARE Family. I wouldn't trade mine for the world. My Real-Life Family is still there too, and I wouldn't trade them for it either, but those warm memories of big family dinners, laughter, and presents still are there. So I consider my SecondLife family mere extensions of my current one, not replacements. My hunt is for that, for that happy bubble where nothing bad existed outside of the movies. You don't have to agree that I'll ever find it because there's pain and hurt and bad things out there too, but I'll never stop believing it.

It's been awhile, I'm bad at that.

Well it's been awhile since I've posted, and the majority of my hits came from my MadPea review. They're doing little hunts now to those interested, and I've snuck in to do the Bloody Mary one more recently. Again, the storyline was awesome and the hunt was interesting, you found all the clues using the HUD before you collect all the prizes. BUT! This is not a review blog (this time) this is simply my bit of an update and information writing and image sharing, so on and so forth. Attempting to fall back into those creative outlets. RL stole me away, working on a novel with a friend, RL relationships ending and beginnings and something a bit between and all those crazy kid jazz.

Haven't done real "photoshoots" in awhile though got inspired the other day and started making new images after doing a kind of Makeover of Akemo. I wonder if people understand or appreciate how much goes into some of the things on SL. I have such respect for Mesh because trying to work with Blender... well let's just say I've had a few more grey hairs that I can't name after my real life children. Though I'm still determined to learn because I really really really want to make beautiful houses for SL, but I keep thinking I should do more research into what's actually available for building mesh in SL for programs. I've got DAZ studios, but that's one of those things you gotta plug a lot of stuff into working on. I don't mind doing it, but I want to make sure I can before spending all that time, energy, and finances on it.

Let's see, changes in SL... My daughter Charbie gave birth to my newest Grandson, Eli. I have a small army of Grandchildren, of all ages, but I love it. I live for it. I started DJ'ing again, then quit shortly after when RL puked up again. Now I'm back into it again thanks to a couple of really old close dear friends opening up a Cabaret and am possibly entertaining the idea of.. Oooh, moonlighting as a Dancer, though I guess we'll see with time. For all my flirtatious nature I tend to be a bit more reserved, and think I'm going to let those other beautiful ladies hold down the fort while I tinker with spinning some fun tunes for our dancing patrons. I'm pondering helping out a friend at her club soon again too, because no matter where SL takes me Dollface doesn't mind when I come crawling back looking for a source to earn some of those sweet Lindin dollars and my shopping addiction.

(Edit) this Picture Won Top of "Best Avatar Award" from fallen gods!

Let's see, as far as the great life of Akemo goes I've become somewhat re addicted to the Mystara sim where I've got a good balance of three or so characters I rotate between. My Demoness "Naamahazazael" (shortened), who's an Envy demon, one of seven, who's full of rage, piss and vinegar. She's fun to play and usually she's the one I go on when It's time to kick puppies or just start general chaos with her co-conspirators. Then there's the before mentioned Elenai Wulfe who is a werewolf Omega and is Rogue now, she gave birth to her daughter Isami Wulfe though her Mate dissapeared shortly after she found out she was having her pup and she's worried he's gone missing because of other dangerous things. Though lastly, the most consuming of my role play time comes on my alt designed specifically for her, Iaceraith Enonia. She's the Da'ariv (Dragon Queen's) mate.

Her story is kind of expansive, but it's littered with blood and lots of bodies. Though, like all characters, when she came to Mystara she had a difficult time adjusting. The more she tried to be "nice" to some of her fellow clanmates and racial creatures the more she realized how different her definition of what was accepted varied from hers. Though someone who primarily came from a land where she'd grown up amongst Adamintine dragons vying for power against the other races of Dragonkind, Mystara's rich culture was a shock to her system and self. Her adoration of Vathandriel was odd for the Queen had just returned to the land, to life of many sorts through a complex ritual. Iaceraith was a warrior, devoted to battle, blade and understanding little more pledged herself to be a guardian of the new Queen.

Emotional crutches aside for both puzzled creatures they somehow found themselves together more and more, Raith's frustration with trying to keep a woman protected who insisted on headstrongly marching into battle with a fist full of insulted honor and pride who threw her life on the line to protect others without thought of consequence. A frustrated dance of friendship became a warmly blossoming foundation for love, and the beginning of a new life for the two. Children followed, adopted as Hatchlings where discovered in the land and found themselves attatched to the two women. They hid their love from clan at first, really deciding to enjoy each other over the possible Drama of two women finding each other in a land of politics and racial discrimination. The dragons, once revered as the protectors of the land and honorable began to be smeared by common folk, sneered at by those whom had once called them friends. Though as all things in this land animosity and hatred is sometimes as quick to go as friendship and love, but these two were bound near inseparable. They would eventually announce their courtship, received without even the slightest ripple by all who knew them and simply said.. "And? duh.. we knew..". The changes from sword to shield, Dragon to Queen and the responsibilities not only of power, or to the Clan, but against those who would slander her good name and spread lies about her people. Iaceraith and Vathandriel are set to be married, on our calenders, on November 11th, 6-9pm SLT.

Well what else has been going on you're asking me? Well, sheesh! Alright let me think. I've moved in with my daughter into the Somersley Sim... for those of you who were like me in "what the noise is that??" It's a "Family" style sim, almost 19 sims wide. It is the "sims" meets SL Family RP, it's.. amazing. I've just done it as in the past couple of days and I'm renting a room through my daughter using mostly birthday money and funding from DJ'ing. Before deciding to move in with Charb I actually applied to the Somersley Hospital as a Doctor, and got the position!

I'm excited and mostly learning to train. So if you need a doctor on Secondlife, look no farther than your very own Akemo. You'll notice, some, that I've changed my last name. No, I haven't gotten married ((actually had some confusion on SL with angry people not getting an invite -giggles- good to know so many would want to come!)) but I switched to my daughter's names to match because I wanted my "family" to be whole and easily recognizable to others. I love being able to see my grand babies daily, I actually did my first assist birthing today (though the clinic is normally closed on Sundays) and I think it went pretty well, can't wait to actually go ahead and do my own birthing. A couple of old friends came by including the one featured in both images here who I've affectionately nicknamed 'Hubs' after him calling me wifey... it's stuck. If not for the partner I was with, this one would likely be Mister trouble in Crime... the one sitting next to me in the Somersley Jail going "well, it wasn't going to tip itself over." the other is a really good friend, whom I met through this friend, who's become equally as my partner in crime.

We call him... Nik. Mister Nik.

This is Artemus Mirabella, she's Tallis Mirabella's little girl.. and a Princess!

But other than that Life has just been life.. and RL sometimes steals us away but sometimes circumstances - or persistent, loving family & friends - make you come back kicking and screaming until you sit still long enough to remember why you enjoyed it and fall in love all over again.

oh, and the new Toddleedoo Mesh avatar bodies? Are amazing.

Actual post will come soon, again.

Lots has happened in SL, but RL has stolen me this month of May. Four Birthdays, one being my sons 5th and my sisters, and I was the MOH in one of my best friends Weddings. Got the Flu, got a flooded basement, and now we're in a heat warning stretch. So let's just say life is chaotic, but not always in the bad. it's a good motovation. Lost the land in SL we were renting, though 'homeless' I feel oddly okay about it. Until things in RL settle I don't mind 'drifting'. It stinks my family's spread out but it doesn't mean they're not a tp away.

That being said, I think it was a new look time for Ke. so I found a shape I'm in love with, thanks to Filthy skins (that I am currently addicted to), and a new hair from Exile- add a few extra touches and a "new" "reinveted" Ke cost about $250 for the new hair pack. Wewt.

No new hunts, unfortunately to review :P no awsome events though I've been debating a single-night return to dj'ing at my friends club. I used to actually get head-hunted when I was dj'ing by other clubs but unfortunately they always seemed to think I was going to bring the clientele with me. I miss it, slightly, but on SL I hate schedules. I have them in Real life, Don't need them in SL as well you know? Alright, more photos coming soon I promise. Maybe I'll do some with friends!

Writers Block.

I know my last big blog was the review, and I feel like I should have something totally awsome to follow that up, but tbh, MadPea hasn't released another hunt quite yet (^_~) and I'm still exploring. There's so much going on I find it hard to consontrate on one thing. so I'll share a picture I took at Innsmouth, the horror themed Sim Nymeth showed me because it goes so perfect with the song I can't stop listening to. It's so haunting in itself, and yet it resounds with me.

The Song:

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

There's a haunt in my house
It's a big old house
And it breathes like I breathe
And it lives like I live

But I won
Yet I won the good fight against my own demons
But the fact still remains
There's something wrong with this place

There's a bridge that we all know
And with a cross overhead, you know nobody grows cold
And it breathes like I breathe

But I won the good fight when it reached out to me
But the fact still remains
There's something wrong with that place

You can run but you can't hide

Sanity Falls Hunt Review (graphic intensive)

"We're all Inn Sane here."

Alexander Blackwell (Alex): “I’m waking up with metallic taste of blood tainting my mouth. I look at my clothes and see blood everywhere, but I don’t feel any pain or see any wounds. It probably isn’t my blood. I try to think but realize that I have no memory of the last 24 hours. The last thing I remember is coming to Sanity Falls with my wife. I feel dizzy, someone must have drugged me. Groggy and confused, I stagger onto my feet and call out for Livea. When silence answers me back, I become aware of my surroundings. I am on the edge of a bridge overlooking the Sanity River. In the puddle of blood beside me lays a phone. It starts ringing..” (taken from MadPea Website)

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT FINISHED BELOW!

So today's adventure (okay yesterdays- but by the time me and the two buddies that assisted along the journey and I were done we were all about just able to crawl into bed and pass out) brings us to the most recent MadPea hunt- Sanity Falls. You star as Alexander Blackwell, who's a burnt out yet somehow insanely popular Psychiatrist who decides that it's that the place he has to vacation is none other than this so called beautiful Sanity Falls. Well, let's just say that the Travel agent on duty is likely to get fired, or the good Doctor's finally gone bonkers when you realize where you've woken up. Now I'm not going to go step by step into the whole game but I'll be pointing things out and you'll note there's a crap ton of pictures- that's because I couldn't get over the entire feel of the game though I've got to tip my hat off- if they've never been fans of Indigo Prophecies or Heavy Rain they've paid a silent and ignorant homage to it. 

There were many familiar elements on it to me but it only increased my love. From the get-go I was hooked; a hunt with a storyline? I even gender bent for the occasion- and I have to say, I make a pretty handsome male. For a “Free” avatar (After paying the 100L for the HUD- which, after getting ONE prize a friend has said and I agree with is well worth the Lindin spent)- it's actually one I'll play with over time. Of course before I went to bed I had to tweak my own additions to it- simply changing shape and skin and modding the hair and collar a bit, bamf- I've got Akemo Blackwell, the forlorn Lesbian lover seeking her beloved Liver Wife! (no copyright infringement intended, and I swear to gravy the HUD phone makes her name appear that way). What I love is the whole kind of creepy feel to it; there was a point the sun had sent on this hunt and the background noises had my hairs standing on end. 

A pretty awesome easy to use HUD actually, and a small Ode to my favorite "part" of the game.

The opening sequence you're dropped on your head (just kidding, though I've used a bit of creative license with the photos because I can. Na na na na na.) And you can't remember how you got there, only that you're there. This is definitely one of those hunts you should pay attention to -everything- because there's subtle hints to the endings. Foggy and hazed, you assume much like I do- dude's been drugged. So it's time to put your top cap on Watson, we're on the chase. Get up you drunken lush, and answer your ringing phone. Time to hear creepy man and watch an intense video. Time to stumble down the road, and hope you've decided to go the right way towards the inn. My biggest bum was the lack of actual hints beyond posters; in a game I would hope to find just a few more "interactive" treats though I will admit to a few being hidden in a few.  Though I had to do a bit of stumbling around. Now here comes one of my biggest gripes, though its understand why they did it. I disliked having to teleport OUT of the sim to find the hunt items. In a few stores they were quite difficult to find due to the sheer size and it pulled away from the entire ambiance the game had going. I understand they do this too to help increase traffic of the stores and help as a kind of promotion or to the hunters who simply go to find the items) but for the whole "Storyline" of the game it made it difficult.

 

You really should see the view from here.

 Though detaching a bit I do once more have to point out the entire amazing set up of the sim. A lot of it was dedicated to the "game" and beyond the amount of traffic generated later in the night it ran pretty smoothly. I understand why they opted to have people use the Avi- wearing only that, the HUD, and an Oracul AO I was running a minute amount of scripts. I was able to run on high Graphics for a good while too. Using their suggested settings with your draw distance up to 200 makes the hunt hard to do but increases the creep factor of the whole setting. The fog, everything was so well done. The trees even- if you've got your sounds up you can hear the crunch of the branches as you're wandering through it. I kept waiting to stumble across something, arm, leg.. though that was saved for much, much later. I enjoyed too the "Creep" left the perfect amount of gore, it wasn't overly emphasized as that's not "Scary" to me, just.. gore. 

 

Come on Alex, if you think hard enough, the answer will come.

The breadcrumb trail may not lead you back to paradise, but it will lead you to some of the most amazing designers in SecondLife. Though don't get disheartened, if you can't find something you're free to hop into group and ask for some assistance. There was a couple of locations we needed to ask for some guidance on. The Fallen Gods sim was one, but when we found it, we all were facepalming. Most are literally right under your nose, and for the most part the "hints" to where to find your items pretty much give you the answer- especially if your a fan of rhymes and riddles. Though more of the rhyming clue than the riddle, not so much. Though it does lead one to ask- why is a Raven like a Writing desk?

Before we get too much more sidetracked- the entire point of the game is to find two things: The Posters that have your wife's beautiful face and dial the numbers corresponding there. A bit of word to the wise: do it AT the posters, don't write them down they won't work unless you actually dial them in the vicinity of them. Found this out accidentally searching for a hint in the *cough* wrong schoolyard. Still would like to point out, not my fault. the hint was teachers, and it was on the MadPea Sim! (you devious monkeys you.) And these things are scattered EVERYWHERE- I mean, you gotta find 50 but some are in sneaky area's. Casually hidden behind a bathtub; though I did look for awhile within the creepy crib room (unfortunately I didn't take photos of them, so you'll have to see for yourself and find it.) with the bunny who as soon as I find it's creator I'm going to be buying, just because I'm sometimes a mean mother and it will make a great scare tactic the next time my daughters or granddaughters decide to act up.

 

I don't recall going into port- ohhh I see! I seee the lightt!

Now I'm almost done with my mildly obsessive fan-girl review, so fret not. Now I have to give homage to my favorite level; which starts out as the picture above suggests. Our Hero, orrrrr neurotically deranged psychopathic psychiatrist who's possibly suggested to have done the deed himself at this point (one too many crazy minds, doc?) falls asleep in front of a television. One can only go so long without actual rest, and he begins to dream. I actually took many photos of this level but decided in the end I'm going to taunt you all and tell you that you need to go see it for yourself, because photos do it no justice. The work that must have gone into making this must be staggering, the layers of texture and building to make some of the things seem floating and ethereal in a dream-like state.. kudos, Madpea. You've brought a new level of joy I thought impossible in my second life after finding my family. This was one of TWO, levels that you get after a certain point in the hunt.

 the second is something completely that you'd seen in an awesome game.

The hall of mirrors of a barren wasteland, our Hero is desperate to find any trace of his wife besides the video of her struggles. Time is winding down, and the clues are starting to blur from his sleep deprived mind. He was really loosing it, but he had to battle against odds because what would you do if your most precious thing was taken away? Why you'd traverse worlds to find her and bring her to safety. Though while our trusted Doc totes one nasty looking Ax on his back he had yet to use it for anything. Such as thinking that he was going to gleefully use it on the sadistic bastard that took his wife {Read: Split personalities! Baahaha}. Though you move through and find poster after poster, wallet after wallet and collect your amazing prizes to come to the final conclusion. You race to the bridge in a surreal world and with luck don't miss the big clue and dive off the end like me and my trusty teams of brain-smart hunters did. Though I have to once more point out the cheeky similarities to Indigo Prophecies in that last odd twist of scene. I'll not fully spoil the ending for you, but what I will suggest is that circumstances are not what they seem. Once you've completed the hunt, I shall offer my final and ending point on this amazing hunt.

The truth on how it should have ended.

  "Haha, good one Livea, love. Come here, I've got a present for you."

(We found a use for that ax!)

 

Cacooned

I'll take that caffe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go, please.

So one life singularly is one complex ball of emotion, events, minor catastrophes and stress both good and the bad. One life is more than enough for any human being, given the events that are bound to unfold without the good honest kindness to give prior notice. So it makes so many question what in the name of the great beloved cosmic energy would someone want a Second one? What is this Second Life and what does it really do? I mean, at least in sim's you can lock 'em in a box and set them on fire and watch the carnage unfold. Why would you risk the loss of a first life to simply become something pixelated that doesn't require what we need? How can "Ten minutes" turn into three hours later? What the hell are you doing that's really so engrossing? 

It's difficult to explain if you're not in the world. Beyond the ability to fully customize what you look like in ways that would take far too man plastic surgeons in the real world to do, there's a world full of trolls and hackers just waiting to steal from you. But in that mix there's loving, honest people. There's people with a terrifying fear to leave the house that can suddenly meet and know people all across the globe through a moment of a shared similarity. There's an endless possibility of near instantaneous gratification when you learn how to do something you once thought impossible. How many people who couldn't sew a stitch have become singularly dependent and wealthy off of the high-fashion gowns and clothing they sell in second life? The tireless hours spent building relationships that sometimes the real world can seem a distant dream.

What's the appeal? Ask that to someone who hopped from home to home as a child and can suddenly pretend for a little while to be that three year old child- to find a family that loved for them took them shopping and baked cookies. It seems so alien to some, such a sick and 'wrong' thing- but to that person who found therapy in a way that some therapists could easily relate to as "Role Play Therapy". Sometimes it's stress, and you can hurt so much from a "game" seems a joke. There are many of us who have tried to explain the pride that comes along with hours spent setting up a shopping area just right to someone out of game and all they saw was the wasted time sitting in front of a computer. Understanding it is beyond words or explanations, and sometimes there are those who "just don't get it". No amount of reading or blogging somewhere will ever explain that calling.

I can tell you why I do. It's more than therapy, and it's become something of a way to watch progress unfold. I find it endlessly frustrating to try and make change in the real world because the older I get the harder socialization becomes. I can't meet people the way I used to and I've gotten so select on the kind of things I enjoy that I'm finding it harder and harder to connect to my peers given the area's I'm in. So I can meet with people and I can help a complete stranger I might have come across while knowing there's always the safety of turning off the computer if it becomes too much. I can pretend for awhile to be that perfect person in that perfect world and visually build paradise. I know it can hold the keys to my own RL perfection but I can't verbally explain this to someone else. To explain to familiy and friends that that pixels on a screen have stolen just as much of my love as they have but they are in no way a replacement. 

I am so blessed in my life to know the people I know, to have the family I do. More and more I meet people on Second Life that have come from such broken backgrounds I wish I could just make them understand what it's like to have that. We are never so humbled as when we understand all the perfect gifts we have been given. In this visual world I can connect, I can build, I can make a successful business without the risks of loosing everything. I can do impossible stunts and fly- and I can enjoy it knowing that there's always the way to unplug. Walking away is difficult, and there are some who understand that addiction is addiction no matter what form it takes. It is no less disabling than alcohol or drugs could be and in some ways is a stronger addiction. Though I think sometimes it outweighs the so called drawbacks of it.

I love my Real Life family, I've got them in my life and in so many ways they help me. Without them I'd not be where I am today which as difficult and frustrating of a situation it can be is still something of heaven to me. I've in no way lost any of the love I give them. There are things we struggle with as adults that we think somehow when we're teenagers we'll magically get to some age and know all the things we should have before through life's lessons- and the truth be told we're just older, more ignorant, and less pleased about it. So I try to learn, I try to take my ignorance and replace it with useful given knowledge. Though I also have to some way more than creatively express myself need to be able to visually watch something change and grow. Opportunities we had before close more and more everyday and I pray that when my own children are grown that they have a sliver of the chance we took advantage of when I was a kid. 

The world is changing and it's a terrifying place full of anger and prejudice. I find in Second Life I can escape that, and I can watch the things I've put myself into flourish and not simply wither or never be able to see the fruits of that labor. In a market where I watch people of a higher life expectancy fall through jobs supposedly secure the fear returns. I watch relationships fall and rise with mere moments of no warning and I see my own life like some long movie. How many immortalized moments do we miss? Memories we'll never be able to go back and rewrite? I'm not even certain anymore. Today my Bestie, Nymeth Vale, did a shoot for a challenge I was totally stoked to be part of. I took my own photo of it and wanted to write some kind of awesome blurb for again but more and more I find that these are never what I intended them to be.

Yet I think everything happens for a reason too. I'm going to spend all day tomorrow offline, though I may come on simply to play music I'm going to shut off my computer for 24 hours and see what happens. I'm going to do those things I said I was going to do and I'm going to sit down and create memories not so immortalized, but will forever stay with me and with luck my children as they grow. Then, the day after, I'm going to log back in for a few moments while my daughter is at school and my son safely tucked in for his usual nap and I'm going to blog my heart out, and maybe by then I'll have some actual answers.

I have one of the best families in Second Life, honestly. I know this isn't much for a first Blog I had taken photos to show off one of my role play characters and babble about the Sim I go on, or at least try to find some awe-inspiring moment to make my blog nearly as good as Nym's but clearly it's not meant to be. Though I'd like to point out that I'm getting somewhat Decent at working with SecondLife Photos in Photoshop and with luck I'm hoping to take more.

So for my first sleepy time post today, I give you, My Crazy Family.

 [ From the top Left over: Eden, Akemo, Kuno (Daughter, Mom, Dad)- RayRay, Bella (Grandbabies) Promise and Charbie (Daughters of AkemoxKuno) and Harper (Grandbaby) All the Grandbabies belong to Charbie and her Husband Shadow, who's not in the picture because his punk butt wasn't online! ]

 [Bella, Charbie and Akemo. We're a Nerd-Friendly Family.]