Thursday, March 21, 2013


I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that sometimes I forget important things, like dates, and that it's not always about me.

I'm sorry that I'm not always the person that's there when you need me to be, that I'm not the most attentive, that sometimes I'm so tired I forget that it's my duty to be that person.

I'm sorry that I'm so needy, and that sometimes even a little never seems like enough.

I'm sorry for being flawed, and scared all the time that I'm going to hurt someone inadvertently, or that I'm just not good enough for how amazing most of you are.

I'm sorry that sometimes I'm insecure, and I feel the need to apologize and it might get irritating.

I'm not sure if I've ever said it, but I was told for so long of my life by others that I was worthless, that I was ugly, that I was fat, that I wasn't good enough. Stupid me listened to them, and not the others that told me I was pretty, and beautiful, and worth it, and that in the back of my mind always whispers that I'm only setting myself up to get hurt, that people are really laughing at me, and that I'm not worth it.

Everyday I get up, and I take a deep breath, and I work on shutting that voice up, and not letting it have any power over me. Sometimes I win, some days It gets so bad I feel like the girl in hyperbowl curling up in a small ball and not moving. (ref: )

Somedays I have a GREAT day, then at the end of the night, It's like someone flicked a lightswitch.

I'm sorry. If this seems like an excuse, but it's never that.

I can't tell you, how many of you have impacted me, my life, and my heart. I know we all struggle, we're on SL for a reason, and we're here for each other. Community both ugly and beautiful. Family, or friends, or loved ones, we're all seeking something that we've missed, that we're missing, that hole we are trying to fill.

and I feel like, sometimes, I'm sorry for not being thankful enough. For all of you. My family, my friends, my loved ones. I am so very very thankful for you. Even if we only talk once a month, or two, or even more, just those touch ins, I am grateful for it. For the missed messages just saying "I love you", because it reminds me, that somedays, even when I feel like an overwhelmed turtle, there's someone thinking about me too. And everyday, at least twice a day, most of you cross my mind, and I wonder how you are, and if life is treating you well that day, and I hope, that even if it isn't, somehow, you can feel that love there and know that in thought that strength is there for you.

The past is gone, tomorrow isn't here, and there's a reason they call it the present. Everyday is a blessing, even the hard ones. It's okay. Just remember to breathe.

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